In the Beginning

Have you ever found yourself in a place where you are scared out of your mind? Have you every looked around and thought “How did I get here and what am I supposed to do now?” Just how, is this supposed to work?” Well, that is exactly how I felt, and still feel so much of the time, as a caregiver of my mother.

You see, when I became a caregiver, it was out of the blue and totally unexpected, like it is for most.  My mother suffered a severe stroke that affected over 70% of the left hemisphere of her brain on April 5, 2004 at around 5 in the evening. In one instant, my families lives were changed.  My mother had always been the driving force in our family.  When something happened, she was the cool one providing an anchor for the rest of us.  We are a family of 7.  My parents raised myself and my 4 siblings by leading be example. Their love and devotion to one another is nothing less than amazing.  With one event, we were thrust into a world we had never dreamed of being!

After a 30 day stay in the hospital she was transferred to a nursing facility due to the fact that she was a total care patient. At that time, I did not even understand exactly what total care meant. Well, it means exactly what the words say. Total care! Mom could not perform any task. She was inside of her body but had almost no control over any aspect of it. All of her abilities had been striped away. She was facing an uphill battle. We all were. We were all invested in seeing her not only survive, but to once again be able to communicate and do life again!  She could not eat (she had a PEG tube placed about 10 days after the stroke). She could not communicate at all. She had limited ability to mover her left side and no ability to move her right side. Get the picture? Total care.

By the grace of God, after 5 months in the nursing facility, mom was able to qualify for rehab!!! Oh what a glorious day! Our family was elated. Mom was able to assist with her transfers in and out of her wheelchair and she was able to eat by this time! Oh and she could communicate. Not perfectly, but all in time right?

It was a long haul for each one of my family member to get her to that point.  Throughout all of that time, we never left her alone.  Not for one minute. 24 hours a day 7 days a week! Through it all, we were all one team. My family is very close. The thought of entrusting mom to anyone without one of us there terrified us. A huge adjustment came when we had to leave her for the first time alone. Rehab, we were told, works better without having “outsiders” around other than during visiting hours. They did however allow my dad to stay as late as he wanted in the evenings. I believe they enjoyed seeing his love for her as much as we did!

Fast forward to the end of her inpatient rehab stay.  EVERYTHING got real.  She would be coming home to the home that she and dad built and raised the family in.  Man did we have a lot to do! Luckily, the staff at the rehab facility had most of the needs outlined but we needed to make them work. First, a ramp for her to even enter the house. Next, the general arrangement of the home. Now, the living room is transformed into multi use room with the hospital bed and another bed for whomever is spending the night with her. More on this topic in a later post. but you get the picture. I am not going to get into the scheduling of the continued around the clock coverage we maintained as well.

This post is meant to provide just a glimpse into the day in the life of a caregiver as well as the person being cared for. It is crazy yet rewarding, tiring yet invigorating. You do the best you can yet struggle with the question of am I doing this right. What I pray over this blog is that it will provide a place for others to have a glimpse into our life. I believe we have an obligation to help one another, lean on one another, and learn from one another.  after 14 years of our family walking through total trial and error, oh the errors, I want to share the insight and wisdom that we have gained through our walk in an attempt to help others who may find themselves in similar places. I am by no means claiming to know everything about care giving, but I am willing to share what I know honestly as well as try to help you be the best care giver you can be.

I plan to build this blog into a wonderful resource for others to turn to when they find themselves thrust into the world of care giving. Please know that I am open to questions as well as comments that can build on the purpose of the blog.

Until next time, God bless and Happy Care giving!